Mother Guilt

Today I got so frustrated with my kids and now I feel.... you guessed it, GUILTY. I took them out all morning and well into the afternoon on errands. They were tired and wanted to go home after about an hour and a half. When that happens they start whining, and arguing with each other. It just grates on my nerves. By the time we got home 6 hours or so after we left, I was ready for some alone time. My 3 year old daughter kept coming to sit with me and wanted attention. I kept telling her I wanted to be alone. She was showing me a coin and asking me about it. I threw it across the room so she would get off my lap and out of my space. It hurt her feelings and she cried. I know, bad mommy.
She is so clingy lately. I know that I have been away from her a lot between work and the internship. Her clinginess is justified (that alone makes me cringe with guilt). Children do whatever they can to stay close to their parents, even if it becomes dysfunctional. I don't know how to meet her need to be close to me all the time without getting irritated. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to her or anybody else. I need quiet time. Maybe I just want it, maybe its not a true need. I don't know. I worry that I am creating issues for my daughter by making her feel rejected. My heart wants to break at the thought that my baby might feel rejected by me. I love her so much and want to give her a safe and secure mother-daughter relationship. I am feeling like a horrible parent right now. I hope that somehow God can see my true intentions and feelings as a parent, and fill in the gaps for my kids where I am falling short.

I don't have time to think of a clever title to this post

I am already worn out and school doesn't start back until next week. You see, I am a working mom, in my second year of a 3 year graduate program. I have 2 kids, ages 7 and 3, and 3 stepkids, ages 20, 18, and 14. I am a busy woman. I am married to a man who likes to make crazy decisions at the last minute, which really adds so much to the hectic nature of my life... an example: "honey, I am going to open a mechanic shop next week"... what the ??? He is a special education teacher, and sprung this one on me in the middle of last school year. He not only said it, but actually did open the shop, right before the craziness of the holidays came upon us, and right smack in the middle of my first year of grad school. But I am not surprised by these things anymore... I have been with this man for 12 years and have come to expect the unexpected.
So why this blog?
I need a place to journal about the crazy whirlwind I live in without censorship. Don't get me wrong... I love my life and wouldn't change it (well, maybe a little...I could live with less debt and more money, but who wouldn't?) I love being a mom, a wife, a student and I also find great value in the work I do. But I do feel like I am spread way too thin most of the time. I worry that I'm not giving my kids enough of what they need, that I'm not being a supportive enough wife, that I'm not giving my clients what they really deserve. Since I started school last year, I have worried that I'm not doing enough to really become good at what I am going to do when I graduate. Not to mention all the relatives and friends that I neglect... Can you see a theme here?
I am trying to accept things for what they are, myself included. I want to believe that I really am enough, and that God thinks so too. So if you have found me here, welcome to my journey through inadequacy and guilt toward peace of mind and confidence that what I have to offer and what I am doing really truly is enough.